Ghost Girl in Fire

This photograph of the Ghost Girl was taken as Wem Town Hall burned to the ground in Shropshire, UK in 1995. At the time, nobody saw this girl standing in the doorway of the burning building. Onlookers were stopped by police and firefighters from approaching the burning town hall.

It was only after the fire that the photo was developed and the photographer discovered the ghostly image of the young girl. Experts analysed both the photo and negative and reported that they had not been altered or faked.

Sceptics say that the image of the girl may just be a convenient trick of the light – with smoke, flame and shadow creating an optical illusion at the moment the photographer took his picture. Do you think that’s possible? The image of the girl’s face on the pictures has never been properly explained. Is this a real ghost caught on film?

But if it’s real, who could the Ghost Girl be?

The town hall burned down once before, a long time ago. It happened in 1677 and history books say that the fire was started accidentally by a 14-year old girl called Jane Churm, when she dropped a candle. Locals maintain that Jane Churm was one of the people who died in that fire back in 1677 and has haunted the town hall ever since. Some think her ghost continues to haunt the building because of her guilt for starting the original fire that killed so many others.

Haunted Painting

This is the true story of the Haunted Painting, the most bizarre and frightening tale I’ve heard in quite a while.

In February, 2000, the haunted painting was put up for sale on eBay and an auction begun. Today, many wonder if it was a true story, or a marketing ploy. Item 251789217 was it’s name on eBay, but it quickly became known on the Internet as “The Haunted eBay Painting.”

The item description in itself was bizarre:

WHEN WE RECEIVED THIS PAINTING, WE THOUGHT IT WAS REALLY GOOD ART. A ” PICKER ” HAD FOUND IT ABANDONNED BEHIND AN OLD BREWERY. AT HTE TIME WE WONDERED A LITLLE WHY A SEEMINGLY PERFECTLY FINE PAINTING WOULD BE DISCARDED LIKE THAT. ( TODAY WE DON’T !!! ) ONE MORNING OUR 4 AND 1/2 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER CLAIMED, THAT THE CHILDREN IN THE PICTURE WERE FIGHTING, AND COMING INTO THE ROOM DURING THE NIGHT. NOW, I DON’T BELIEVE IN UFOS OR ELVIS BEING ALIVE, BUT MY HUSBAND WAS ALARMED. TO MY AMUSEMENT HE SET UP A MOTION TRIGGERED CAMREA FOR THE NIGHTS. AFTER THREE NIGHTS THERE WERE PICTURES.THE LAST TWO PICTURES SHOWN ARE FROM THAT ‘STAKEOUT’. AFTER SEEING THE BOY SEEMINGLY EXITING THE PAINTING UNDER THREAT, WE DECIDED, THE PAINTING HAS TO GO.PLEASE JUDGE FOR YOURSELF. — BEFORE YOU DO, PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWIND WARNING AND DISCLAIMER. —-WARNING: DO NOT BID ON THIS PAINTING IF YOU ARE SUCCEPTIBLE TO STRESS RELATED DISEASE, FAINT OF HEART OR ARE UNFAMILIAR WITH SUPERNATURAL EVENTS. BY BIDDING ON THIS PAINTING, YOU AGREE TO RELEASE THE OWNERS OF ALL LIABILITY IN RELATION TO THE SALE OR ANY EVENTS HAPPENING AFTER THE SALE, THAT MIGHT BE CONTRIBUTED TO THIS PAINTING. THIS PAINTING MAY OR MAY NOT POSESS SUPERNATURAL POWERS, THAT COULD IMPACT OR CHANGE YOUR LIFE. HOWEVER, BY BIDDING YOU AGREE TO EXCLUSIVELY BID ON THE VALUE OF THE ARTWORK, WITH DISREGARD TO THE LAST TWO PHOTOS FEATURED IN THIS AUCTION, AND HOLD THE OWNERS HARMLESS IN REGARD TO THEM AND THEIR IMPACT, EXPRESSED OR IMPLIED.———— NOW THAT WE GOT THIS OUT OF THE WAY, ONE QUESTION TO YOU EBAYERS. WE WANT OUR HOUSE TO BE BLESSED AFTER THE PAINTING IS GONE, DOES ANYBODY KNOW, WHO IS QUALIFIED TO DO THAT?

Shortly thereafter, in response to questions about the piece, the sellers posted the following addition:

THE SIZE OF THE PAINTING IS 24 BY 36 INCHES, SO IT IS RATHER LARGE. AS I HAVE HAD SEVERAL QUESTIONS, HERE THE FOLLOWING ANSWERS. THERE WAS NO ODOR LEFT BEHIND IN THE ROOM. THERE WERE NO VOICES, OR THE SMELL OF GUNPOWDER, NO FOODPRINTS OR STRANGE FLUIDS ON THE WALL. TO DETER QUESTIONS IN THIS DIRECTION, THERE ARE NO GHOSTS IN THIS WORLD , NO SUPERNATURAL POWERS, THIS IS JUST A PAINTING, AND MOST THESE THINGS HAVE AN EXPLANATION, IN THIS CASE PROBABLY A FLUKE LIGHT EFFECT. I ENCOURAGE YOU TO BID ON THE ARTWORK, AND CONSIDER THE LAST TWO PHOTOGRAPHS AS PURE ENTERTAINMENT, AND PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THEM INTO CONSIDERATION, WHEN BIDDING. AS WE THINK IT IS A GOOD IDEA TO BLESS ANY HOUSE, WE STILL WELCOME INPUT INTO THAT PROCEDURE.

After this description, there were eight shots of the item. Two were overview shots. Slightly left of center on the canvas, we see a boy of perhaps five or six, with sloping shoulders and a heavy brow, scowling at us. He is dressed as we would expect any early- or mid-twentieth century middle- or lower-class young boy to be dressed: a blue tee-shirt, greenish shorts, short socks and shoes. His dirty-blonde (or dirty blonde) hair is cropped into a very short crew-cut on his blocky head. His expression – his small, deep-set eyes, and his slightly downturned frown – are the look of an alien: disdainful curiosity. “You are not supposed to be here.”

To his right, propped against a window moulding (or perhaps free-standing, it’s difficult to tell), is a life-sized wooden doll girl. She’s wearing a faded blue dress. She only has empty holes for eyes, but her mouth is articulatable (and closed). In her hands she’s clutching what at first looks like some sort of tall bottle or canister tied with a string, but on closer inspection appears to be a tall battery (complete with little lightning bolt) with mad, dangling clips.

The two are standing on a street curb, in front of a full-length window. The building behind them is completely dark inside, but reaching forth from the darkness we can distinguish at least a dozen tiny hands. Some of the hands are lower, some higher, but none are higher than the two central figures; if these are, indeed, children’s hands, some of the children are on the floor. It is not clear whether the hands are reaching for the window pane, the light, or the boy and the doll.

Four more shots were details of the boy, the boy’s face, the doll’s face, and the doll’s battery (or whatever it is). But the last two shots were the ones that were supposedly made by the motion-activated still camera. They are clearly different from the daytime shots. Because the flash was centered on the boy (being the central figure on the canvas), and because it’s a rather large painting, the doll (who was, as I said, towards the left edge of the painting) is obscured by shadow, but the photographs clearly show that now, her mouth is open.

After the auction began, viewers started to report strange happenings whenever they tried to view the page. All of them – spectral voices, hot flashes, black-outs and “mind-control experiences” – are typical of mass hysteria. One man, a Native American spiritualist in Mississippi, claimed that the painting had evil in it, and after having viewed it on his web browser he had to cleanse his house by burning white sage.

More than thirteen thousand people bid on the work. The buyer, who remains anonymous (his E-Bay login was ionia7) but bought the work for $1025 US, claims that although the story of the arguing spirits is compelling as a curiosity, he was more interested in the composition of the work and was “buying to sell.” He says that it seems to have been produced some time between 1965 and 1975, and is entitled “The Hands Resist Him.” It is signed, but the current owner has not released the artist’s name. He has never experienced any unusual effects, and calls the work “a good example of surrealism from that period.

I think it’s pretty clear that everything which happened to people who viewed the painting through the web was the result of the power of suggestion. On the other hand, I remain skeptical but agnostic as to whether the painting itself is animate. If it were a hoax, the trickster employed the most cunningly inconsistent assertions, destroying the reader’s ability to restore any suspended disbelief. Even if it isn’t legit, there would have to be something seriously wrong with someone to have painted the thing in the first place. I mean, they would have to be fucked in the head quite badly. If you saw the work, you’d understand. It’s just spooky. It is not at all surprising that it provokes such extreme reactions.

The new owner of the painting claims he found an inscription on the back saying the title of the picture was “The Hands Resist Him”. He also found a signiature, but refuses to say who the painter was. He says he received thousands of e-mails from people claiming they were “repulsed”, made “physically ill” and “suffered from blackout/mind control experiences” just by viewing the pictures of the painting online.

An exorcist type of voice, along with a blast of hot air, like standing in front of an oven door. Two friends crying after this experience and praying until a minute had passed and everything went back to normal.
A new Epson printer that ate and mutilated page after page when the user tried to download images of this oil.
The Native American who became so ill he had to cleanse his house by burning white sage. He warned me not to put this item around small children, and that there is great evil contained here.

As I recall, both the owner of the gallery where ‘The Hands Resist Him’ was displayed and the art critic who reviewed it were dead within a year of the show.

Seller: MrNoReserve. Winner: Ionia7. Price: $1,025.00

Graceland Cemetery Statue

Graceland Cemetery in Chicago, Illinois is supposedly haunted by the ghost of a little girl and a menacing hooded statue.

One of the strangest stories reported at Graceland Cemetery is that of a life-sized statue memorializing a 6-year-old girl named Inez Clarke who was struck and killed by lightning while on a family picnic. Her parents, stunned by the tragic loss, commissioned a life-size statue of the girl to be placed on her grave. It was placed in a glass box to protect it from the elements.

The statue of Inez remains in nearly perfect condition today. Inez is perched on a small stool, wearing her favorite dress and carrying a tiny parasol. Locals say that the ghost of Inez is still haunting Graceland Cemetery.

There are stories of strange sounds of weeping coming from the statue, and some even claim they have seen the statue of Inez actually moving. It is said that, during violent thunderstorms, Inez sometimes vanishes from inside her glass box and goes roaming around in the graveyard until the storm is over.

Many years ago, a night watchman was making his rounds during a storm and discovered that the glass case was empty. He saw flashes of lightning that illuminated the figure of a young girl in the distance, playing in the rain. The night watchman fled from the cemetery that night, never to return. Other guards have also reported it missing, only to find it back in place when they pass by again, or the following morning.

Haunted Doll Robert

Take a look at Robert the Haunted Doll. He sits under lock and key in a glass case located in the basement of a museum in Key West, Florida. At first glance Robert may seem like a harmless children’s doll. But looks can be deceiving, because Robert is the most haunted doll in the world.



In 1897, a family named Otto lived in a nearby house in Key West. They owned a plantation and had a lot of servants working for them who they treated very badly. One servant girl gave their son, Gene, a present of a doll. What the Ottos didn’t realise was that this servant girl knew voodoo

Gene’s full name was Robert Eugene Otto. His parents had always called him “Gene”, so he decided to give the doll his real name, “Robert”.

Many Strange things began to occur in the Otto household. Many neighbors claimed to see Robert move about from window to window, when the family were out. Gene began to blame Robert for mishaps that would occur. The Otto’s claimed to hear the doll giggle, and swear they caught glimpses of the doll running about the house.

Gene began to have nightmares and scream out in the night, when his parents would enter the room, they would find furniture over turned, their child in a fright, and Robert at the foot of the bed, with his glaring gaze! “Robert Did It”…. The doll was eventually put up into the attic. Where he resided for many years.

But Robert had other plans. Visitors that entered the house could hear something walking back and forth in the attic, and strange giggling sounds. Guests no longer wanted to visit the Otto home.

Gene Otto died in 1972.The home was sold to a new family, and the tale of Robert had died down…

But Robert waited patiently up in the attic to be discovered, once again. The 10 year old daughter of the new owners. Was quick to find Robert in the attic. It was not long before Robert unleashed his displeasure on the child… The little girl claiming that the doll tortured her, and made her life a hell.. Even after more than thirty years later, she steadfastly claims that ” the doll was alive and wanted to kill her.”

Robert, still dressed in his white sailor’s suit and clutching his stuffed lion, lives quite comfortably, though well guarded, at the Key West Martello Museum. Employs at the museum continue to give accounts of Robert being up to his old tricks still today…

The Crying Boy Painting

The curse of the Crying Boy Painting. In 1988, a mysterious explosion destroyed the home of the Amos family in Heswall, England. When firemen sifted through the burnt-out shell of the house, they found a framed picture, entitled ‘The Crying Boy’, which was a portrait of an angelic-looking boy with a sorrowful expression and a tear rolling down his cheek. But the picture was not even singed by the blaze.
Not long afterwards in Bradford, there was another blaze, and again a picture of the crying child was found intact among the smouldering ruins. The head of the Yorkshire Fire Brigade told the national newspapers that pictures of the weird Crying Boy were frequently found intact in the rubble of houses that had been mysteriously burnt to the ground. Journalists asked him if he thought that the picture was evil and could somehow start the fires, but the fire-chief refused to comment.

The reports of the unlucky painting causing fires are still occasionally reported; there was a Crying Boy picture found at a gutted house in Dublin in 1998, but no one as ever found out just who the child is in the supposedly cursed painting. One well-respected researcher into occult matters, a retired schoolmaster from Devon named George Mallory, claimed that to have uncovered the truth in 1995. Mr Mallory claimed he tracked down the artist behind the controversial portrait: an old Spanish postcard artist named Franchot Seville, who lives in Madrid. Seville said the Crying boy was a little street urchin he had found wandering around Madrid in 1969. He never spoke, and had a very sorrowful look in his eyes. Seville painted the boy, and a Catholic priest said the Boy was Don Bonillo, a child who had run away after seeing his parents die in a blaze. The priest told the artist to have nothing to do with the runaway, because wherever he settled, fires of unknown origin would mysteriously break out; the villagers called him ‘Diablo’ because of this.

Seville ignored the superstitious priest and looked after the boy. The paintings of the little sad orphan made Seville fairly rich, but one day, his studio was mysteriously burned to the ground. Seville was ruined, and he accused the little Don Bonillo of arson. The boy ran off crying, and was never seen again. Then, from all over Europe came the reports of the unlucky Crying Boy paintings causing blazes. Seville was also regarded as a jinx, and no one commissioned him to paint, or would even look at his paintings. In 1976, a car exploded into a fireball on the outskirts of Barcelona after crashing into a wall. The victim was charred beyond recognition, but part of the victim’s driving licence in the glove compartment was only partly burned. The name on the licence was one 19-year-old Don Bonillo; could this have been the same Don Bonillo who had been the subject of the Crying Boy painting eight years earlier? We will probably never know, as no friends or relations ever came forward for the body.

Death Crash

Death Crash is the horrible story of a fatal car accident that occurred on Brubaker Bridge in Ohio and the paranormal events that followed.

According to legend, in the 1930s there was a terrible accident on Brubaker Bridge. five cars crashed into eachother on the bridge and all the people in the vehicles were killed on impact.

Because the cars crashed in such a remote area, nobody saw it happen and it remained undiscovered for a whole day. Eventually, after nightfall, a neighboring farmer was driving his tractor down the road and discovered the crash. he immediately alerted the police.

When the ambulance came, the workers found a total of 12 dead bodies in the wreck. The bodies were all put into ambulances and brought back to a local funeral home, where they were all identified and given proper burials. After such a tragic accident, the town was eager to try and put the death crash behind them.

However, shortly after the accident, the farmer who originally discovered the bodies claimed that every time he crossed Brubaker Bridge, his tractor would suddenly stop for no reason. Then he would hear 13 loud knocks, followed by a strange gurgling and hissing sound.

Other locals told the same story. They said they would be driving down the road and their cars would suddenly stall as they were crossing Brubaker Bridge. This was always followed by someone or something knocking 13 times on the car. And then, right before the car started up again, gurgling and a hissing noise was heard.

The farmer began to wonder if the ambulance workers had really recovered all the victims of the death crash. He searched the area around the bridge and eventually wandered into the woods by the side of the road. What he found there chilled him to his very soul.

Sitting propped up against a tree, covered in snow, was the dead body of a man. He was frozen stiff. His arms had been eaten away by black bears, leaving only bloody stumps. His mouth was hanging open and his tongue was missing.

The farmer had found the 13th victim of the crash. The man had been thrown out of the car in the accident and wound up lying injured by the side of the road. He had been dragged into the woods by black bears who devoured his arms and tongue. The ambulance sirens scared off the black bears and the man was still alive when the ambulance workers were taking the dead bodies out of the cars. He had been trying to call for help but his arms and tongue were gone so nobody could hear him.

Today, locals still believe that the ghost of the 13th victim still haunts Brubaker Bridge, stopping any car that dares to cross his path. The ghost beats on the side of the car with the bloody stumps that were once his arms and then tries to call for help. But all that comes out are hisses and gurgles because he doesn’t have a tongue.

Boy Scout

According to local legend, during the 1950s, a Boy Scout troop visited the area on an expedition where they hoped to earn a number of merit badges. They arrived in a bus and parked on the road. Then they set up camp in the woods. All of the boy scouts mysteriously disappeared on this road and were never seen again. Nobody knows what happened to them. They just vanished mysteriously without explanation and were never found.

Some say the boy scouts were murdered one-by-one that night in their sleep by their bus driver who had gone insane. Others believe the Boy scouts left their camp during the night and accidentally dropped their lantern, causing a forest fire that killed the entire troop.

Two boy scouts escaped the fate of the rest of the troop and set out to find help, only to become lost in the woods where they died of starvation.

The ghosts of the boy scouts now haunt the forest where they died. They can be heard hiking through the undergrowth, the lights from their lanterns have been seen at night as they try to find help, or search for their fellow scouts.

People who explore the woods around Boy Scout Lane say they have experienced a strong sense of foreboding and the sensation that they are being watched. They have heard the sound of footsteps and breaking branches coming from all around them. Others have seen unusual red or white lights swinging through the trees. Some have even reported seeing a ghostly bus filled with the transparent figures of children.

Sarah Jane

During the American Civil War, there was a road in Texas between Groves and Port Neches. A woman named Sarah Jane lived on this road. Her husband was away, fighting in the war as a confederate soldier. When enemy soldiers were passing through the area, Sarah Jane feared that they would kill her and her baby.

She went down to the river and placed her small infant in a wicker basket. Then Sarah hid the baby under the bridge, to protect the child. Sarah made her way back down the road to her home and waited for the Union soldiers to arrive.

After the soldiers passed by, she went back to the bridge to retrieve her baby. Unfortunately, the baby was nowhere to be found. The tide had risen and carried the baby away downstream.

Sara Jane searched through the night down the banks of the Neches River for hours in hopes of finding her baby safe and sound. Neighbors could hear Sarah Jane’s screams as she searched, and she kept running up to people, weeping pitifully and asking “Have you seen my baby?”.

Grief-striken and unable to find her child, Sarah Jane walked back to the bridge and hung from from the wooden beams beneath it. When people found her body, they saw a message scratched into the wood under the bridge that read “Where Is My Baby”.

As the story goes, if you go out to Sara Jane Road at night and stand by the water’s edge, you can still hear Sarah Jane’s baby crying off in the distance. Some people claim they’ve spotted a noose hanging beneath the bridge. Others say they’ve also seen Sarah Jane’s ghost searching along the side of the river for the infant child she lost so many years ago.

Locals say you can stand in the middle of the bridge on a dark night, and call for the ghost of Sarah Jane to appear. You have to repeat seven times “I’ve got your baby Sarah Jane”.

Final Cut

Final Cut is an urban legend about a woman who wears a black ribbon around her neck and refuses to take it off, no matter what.

Jane wore a black ribbon around her neck everyday, rain or shine, whether it matched her outfit or not. It annoyed her best friend Johnny after awhile. He was her next door neighbor and had known Jane since she was three. When he was young, he had barely noticed the black ribbon, but now they were in high school together, it bothered him.

“Why do you wear that black ribbon around your neck, Jane?” he’d ask her every day. But she wouldn’t tell him.

Still, in spite of this aggravation, Johnny thought she was cute. He asked her to the soda shoppe for an ice cream sundae. Then he asked her to watch him play in the football game. Then he started seeing her home. And come the spring, he asked her to the dance. Jane always said yes when he asked her out. And she always wore a black dress to match the ribbon around her neck.

It finally occurred to Johnny that he and Jane were going steady, and he still didn’t know why she wore the black ribbon around her neck. So he asked her about it yet again, and yet again she did not tell him. “Maybe someday I’ll tell you about it,” she’d reply. Someday! That answer annoyed Johnny, but he shrugged it off, because Jane was so cute and fun to be with.

Well, time flew past, as it has a habit of doing, and one day Johnny proposed to Jane and was accepted. They planned a big wedding, and Jane hinted that she might tell him about the black ribbon around her neck on their wedding day. But somehow, what with the preparations and his beautiful bride, and the lovely reception, Johnny never got around to asking Jane about it. And when he did remember, she got a bit teary-eyed, and said: “We are so happy together, what difference does it make?” And Johnny decided she was right.

Johnny and Jane raised a family of four, with the usual ups and downs, laughter and tears. When their golden anniversary rolled around, Johnny once again asked Jane about the black ribbon around her neck. It was the first time he’d brought it up since the week after their wedding. Whenever their children asked him about it, he’d always hushed them, and somehow none of the kids had dared ask their mother. Jane gave Johnny as sad look and said: “Johnny, you’ve waited this long. You can wait awhile longer.”

Finally, while his wife lay asleep in bed one night, Johnny was overcome by curiosity. He had to find out why she wore the ribbon. Carefully, without waking her, he decided to go ahead and untie it. With shaking hands, Johnny fumbled for the knot and began to untie the ribbon around his wife’s neck.

The bow became smaller and smaller. The loops of the bow pulled through and only a half-knot was left. Johnny slid his finger under the half-knot and tugged.

The ribbon came free and Jane’s head fell off, leaving just a bloody stump on her shoulders. And as her severed head rolled across the floor, the woman screamed, “You Idiot! I warned you never to untie my black ribbon”.

Haunted Island

The mystery of the haunted island off the Italian coast is a disturbing one indeed. Poveglia is located near Venice in Italy and its darkened shores are strewn with polished human bones. It is supposed to be so scary that no tourists are ever allowed to set foot on it.

When the plague hit Italy in 1576, thousands of dead bodies were piling up in Venice and the stench was terrible. They needed somewhere to store the rotting corpses and something drastic had to be done.

The dead were hauled to the island and dumped in large pits or burned on huge bonfires. But as the plague became worse, people began to panic, and those who showed symptoms of the Black Death were dragged screaming from their homes.

These living victims, including children and babies, were taken to the island of Poveglia and thrown into the pits of rotting corpses, where they were left to die in agony. As many as 160,000 tormented bodies were dumped there over the years.

The whole island is still covered in a layer of ash, the remains of all the burned bodies. Before long, local people began seeing strange things and hearing strange sounds coming from the haunted island.

Despite the ghostly goings-on, in 1922, a mental hospital was built on the haunted island. The patients immediately reported seeing the ghosts of rotting plague victims and hearing strange whispers echoing off the walls. But nobody believed them because they were already regarded as demented and insane.

The hospital was run by a weird doctor who was interested in experimenting on his live patients, trying to discover what caused insanity. His methods were crude, to say the least. Lobotomies were performed using a basic hand drill or just a hammer and chisel. The crazed patients were taken to the hospital’s tower, where they were subjected to terrible tortures.

After years of performing these horrible acts, the doctor himself began seeing the ghosts of harrowed plague victims. It is said that the ghosts rose from their graves, overpowered the doctor and dragged him up to the top of the bell tower. There, they tormented him and forced him to throw himself off the top of the tower, falling to his death.

As he lay on the ground, writhing in agony, drawing his last breaths, a fine mist swirled up around him, entered his body, and choked him to death. It is rumored that the mental patients then bricked up his body in the bell tower. There his ghost remains, haunting the empty tower for all eternity, and on a quiet night the tower’s bell can still be heard tolling eerily across the bay.

Carmen Winstead

Carmen was 17 years old when her parents decided to move to Indiana. Her father had lost his job and the only way he could find new employment was by moving to a new state. The relocation caused a lot of problems for Carmen. She had to leave her friends behind and attend a whole new school in Indiana.

Carmen had a hard time making friends when she changed schools. It was the middle of the school year and most of the students had no interest in befriending the new girl. Initially, she spent many days alone, walking from class to class without speaking to anyone, but she eventually started hanging around with a group of five other girls. Carmen thought these girls were her friends, but it wasn’t long before she discovered that they had been talking about her behind her back and spreading vile rumors.

When she confronted them, the girls turned on her and began bullying her every day, making her life a misery. They started out calling her names, but then the bullying got much worse. One day, she left her school books in the classroom at break time. When she returned, she found someone had taken a sharpie and written dirty words all over her books. Another day, she opened her bag and discovered someone had poured yoghurt all over the insides. Sometimes, she would come to school and find her locker had been vandalized. The final straw came when she put on her coat at recess and found that someone had stuffed dog poop in her pockets.

There and then, Carmen decided that she couldn’t take the bullying any longer. She planned to stay behind, that evening, after school, and tell her teacher what had been happening. Unfortunately, her decision came too late to save her life.

After lunch, her teacher announced that the school was holding a fire drill. When the alarm sounded, Carmen and the other students filed out of the classroom and assembled in the yard outside. As the teachers read out the roll call, the gang of five girls decided that this was a great opportunity to embarrass Carmen in front of the whole school during the fire drill. They moved over to where Carmen was standing, near a sewer drain, and began crowding the poor girl, getting in her face and nudging her towards the open manhole.

They pushed her and she tripped over and fell head-first down the manhole. When they saw her falling, the girls started giggling and when Carmen’s name was called out, they shouted “She’s down in the sewer!”

All of the other students began laughing. But when the teachers looked down the manhole and saw Carmen’s body lying at the bottom in the muck and the poop, the laughter abruptly stopped. Her head was twisted around at an odd angle and her face was covered in blood. Worse still, she wasn’t moving.

There was nothing any of the teachers could do for her. Carmen was dead. When the police arrived and went down into the sewer, they determined that she had broken her neck. Her face had been torn off when she hit the ladder on the way down and her neck snapped when she landed on her head on the concrete at the bottom.

The police hauled Carmen’s body out of the sewer and sent her to the mortuary. Everyone had to stay behind after school while the police questioned all of Carmen’s classmates. The five girls lied to the police, saying they had witnessed Carmen falling down the sewer. The police believed the girls and Carmen Winstead’s death was ruled an accident and the case was closed. Everyone thought that was the last they would hear of Carmen Winstead, but they were wrong.

Months later, Carmen’s classmates began receiving strange e-mails on their MySpaces. The e-mails were titled “They Pushed Her” and claimed that Carmen hadn’t really fallen down the sewer, she had been pushed. The e-mails also warned that the guilty people should own up and take responsibility for their crime. If they didn’t there would be horrible consequences. Most people dismissed the e-mails as a hoax, but others were not so sure.

A few days later, one of the girls who pushed Carmen down the sewer was at home taking a shower, when she heard a strange cackling laugh. It seemed to be coming from the drain. The girl started to freak out and ran out of the bathroom. That night, the girl said goodnight to her mom and went to sleep.

Five hours later, her mom was awoken in the middle of the night, by a loud noise that resounded throughout the house. She ran into her daughter’s room, only to find it empty. There was no trace of the girl. The worried mother called the police and when they arrived, they conducted a search of the area. Eventually, they discovered the girl’s grisly remains.

Her corpse was lying in the sewer, covered in muck and poop. Her neck was broken and her face was missing. It had been completely torn off. One by one, all of the girls who pushed Carmen that day were found dead. They had all been killed in exactly the same way and were all found at exactly the same spot. In the sewer at the bottom of the same uncovered manhole where Carmen had met her doom.

But the killing didn’t stop there. More and more of Carmen’s former classmates were found dead. It seemed that anyone who didn’t believe that Carmen had been pushed, was eventually found down in the sewer with their necks broken and their faces torn off.

They say that Carmen’s ghost is still on the rampage, hunting down anyone who doesn’t believe her story. According to the legend, Carmen will get you, whether it’s from a toilet, a shower, a sink or a drain. When you go to sleep, you’ll wake up in the sewer, in complete darkness, paralyzed, unable to move, hearing cackling laughter all around you. Then, as you scream in horror, Carmen will come and tear your face off.

So be careful who you bully, because you just might find yourself on the receiving end of the curse of Carmen Winstead.

Proof of Jesus Ethnicity

For quite some time, there's been heavy debate as to just what ethnicity Jesus actually belonged to. He's listed in many different bibles and books, many sides are arguing their point. Well, let's examine the facts here...

Proof That Jesus Was Jewish:
1. He went into his father's business.
2. He lived at home until the age of 33.
3. He was sure his mother was a virgin, and his mother was sure he was God.

Proof That Jesus Was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.

Proof That Jesus Was Puerto Rican:
1. His first name was Jesus.
2. He was bilingual.
3. He was always being harassed by the authorities.

Proof That Jesus Was Italian:
1. He talked with his hands.
2. He had wine with every meal.
3. He worked in the building trades.

Proof that Jesus Was a Californian:
1. He never cut his hair.
2. He walked around barefoot.
3. He invented a new religion and finally

Proof that Jesus Was Black:
1. He called everybody brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.

Funny Church Sign

Top 10 Reasons Why Beer Is Better Than Religion

10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.

9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.

8. Beer has never caused a major war.

7. They don't force Beer on minors who can't think for themselves.

6. When you have a Beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.

5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over his brand of Beer.

4. You don't have to wait 2000+ years for a second Beer.

3. There are laws saying Beer labels can't lie to you.

2. You can prove you have a Beer.

1. If you've devoted your life to Beer, there are groups that can help.

The Pope vs Moishe

About a century or two ago, the Pope challenged the Jewish community of Rome to a debate.

The Jews looked around for a champion who could defend their faith, but no one wanted to volunteer. It was too risky. So they finally picked an old man named Moishe who spent his life sweeping up after people to represent them. Being old and poor, he had less to lose, so he agreed. He asked only for one addition to the rules of debate. Not being used to saying very much, he asked that neither side be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed.

The day of the great debate came. Moishe and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Jews win."

An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened. The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger, to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him, that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground, showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"

Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe, amazed that this old, almost feeble-minded man had done what all their scholars had insisted was impossible. "What happened?" they asked.

"Well," said Moishe, "first he said to me that the Jews had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Jews. I let him know that we were staying right here."

"And then?" asked a woman.

"I don't know," said Moishe. "He took out his lunch and I took out mine."

Osama In Heaven

Osama bin Laden went to heaven and was greeted by George Washington, who slapped him and yelled, "How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive?"

Patrick Henry then approached and punched Osama in the nose. James Madison entered and kicked him in the shin. An angry Thomas Jefferson whacked Osama over the head with a cane.
The thrashing continued as John Randolph, James Monroe and 66 other early Americans came in and unleashed their anger on the terrorist leader.

Suddenly, as Osama lay writhing in unbearable pain, an angel appeared. "This is not what you promised me," said Osama.

"Now Osama," the angel replied. "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you in heaven."

Kentucky Fried Prayer

After watching sales falling off for three straight months at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Colonel calls up the Pope and asks for a favor.

The Pope says, "What can I do?"

The Colonel says, "I need you to change the daily prayer from, 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken'. If you do it, I'll donate 10 Million Dollars to the Vatican."

The Pope replies, "I am sorry. That is the Lord's prayer and I can not change the words."

So the Colonel hangs up. After another month of dismal sales, the Colonel panics, and calls again.

"Listen your Excellency. I really need your help. I'll give you $50 million dollars if you change the words of the daily prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken.'"

And the Pope responds, "It is very tempting, Colonel Sanders. The church could do a lot of good with that much money. It would help us support many charities. But, again, I must decline. It is the Lord's prayer, and I can't change the words."

So the Colonel gives up again. After two more months of terrible sales the Colonel gets desperate. "This is my final offer, your Excellency. If you change the words of the daily prayer from, 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken' I will donate $100 million to the Vatican."

The Pope replies, "Let me get back to you."

So the next day, the Pope calls together all of his bishops and he says, "I have some good news and I have some bad news. The good news is that KFC is going to donate $100 million to the Vatican."

The bishops rejoice at the news. Then one asks about the bad news.

The Pope replies, "The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account."

A Great Flood

It had been raining for days and days, and a great flood had come over the land. The waters rose so high that one man was forced to climb onto the roof of his house.

As the waters rose higher and higher, a man in a rowboat appeared, and told him to get in. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me." So the man in the rowboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.

The waters rose higher and higher, and suddenly a speedboat appeared. "Climb in!" shouted a man in the boat. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me." So the man in the speedboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.

The waters continued to rise. A helicopter appeared and over the loudspeaker, the pilot announced he would lower a rope to the man on the roof. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me." So the helicopter went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.

The waters rose higher and higher, and eventually they rose so high that the man on the roof was washed away, and alas, the poor man drowned.

Upon arriving in heaven, the man marched straight over to God. "Heavenly Father," he said, "I had faith in you... I prayed to you to save me, and yet you did nothing. Why?" God gave him a puzzled look, and replied "I sent you two boats and a helicopter, what more did you expect?"
What'd You Think?

The Taliban n A Water Selling Jew

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was trudging through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried towards it, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling ties.

The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5."

The Taliban shouted, "Infidel! I do not need an over-priced tie! I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!"

"OK, OK" said the old Jewish man, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom."

Muttering, the Taliban staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead... "Your f***ing brother won't let me in without a tie!"

The Talking Parrots

A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. 'Want to have some fun?'"

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."

"Thank you!" the woman responded.

The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say,"Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"

Prostitutes Sign

A couple young, entrepreneurial prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on the top of their car that read: "Two Prostitutes - $50.00." A police officer, seeing the sign, pulled the ladies over and advised that they will have to remove the sign or go to jail.

Right about that time a minivan passed by with a sign on the side of it that read: "Jesus Saves." "How come you don't stop them?!" asked one of the girls. "Well, that's a little different," the officer replied... "their sign pertains to religion."

The two ladies of the night pouted a bit, but they took their sign down and drove off peacefully. The following day the same police officer was running radar when he noticed the same two young ladies driving around with another sign on their car. Figuring he had an easy arrest, he flipped his lights on and began to catch up when he noticed the what the new sign read:

"Two Fallen Angels Seeking Peter - $50.00."

Peter n The Cross

Jesus Christ is dying on the cross, his disciples are gathered around, crying. Peter looks up and notices that Jesus seems to be calling him, "Peter, come hither!"

Immediately Peter rushes over to the cross, only to be hit severely over the head by the roman guard. He gets on his feet again and wants to return to the other disciples when he hears Jesus calling again, "Peter, come hither!"

So, again Peter tries to climb the cross to get to his lord, when the roman soldier draws his sword and chops Peter's arm off. Peter is getting a little pissed and wants to go back to his buddies, but again Jesus summons. The roman guard can't believe that Peter is trying yet AGAIN to climb to the cross, and chops off another arm. Peter is now covered in blood and demented from the blow to the head and wants to call it a day. Jesus hoarsly croaks, "Peter, please, come to me!"

By now, the roman guard is tired of chopping limbs, so he lets Peter be. The faithful disciple struggles to climb the cross (without arms mind you) and after a long while he finally arrives at his Lord's side. Hurting, suffering, bleeding, Peter looks into his Master's eyes and asks, "yes, my Lord. What is it?" Jesus smiles lovingly and looks off into the distance as a weak smile plays across his face, "Look Peter, I can see your house from here!"

Hippie n The Nun

One day a hippie gets a ride on a public bus and sees a hot young nun. He sits down next to her and promptly asks if she would like to have sex, to which she immediately says no and walks off the bus. The bus driver leans over and says "Hey guy I know how to get that nun to have sex with you..."

Naturally the hippie asks, and the bus driver tells him that every night at midnight the nun goes to an old graveyard to pray for god to forgive her for her past, and that he should dress up like god and tell the nun she will be forgiven if she has sex with you.

The hippie gives his thanks and runs to the nearest costume shop.

Later that evening the hippie gets ready for his big night and drives down to the graveyard and sees the nun praying, on her knees. He says "Behold, I have heard your prayers and you shall be forgiven if you have sex with me!"

The nun agrees but asks if they can have anal sex in order to keep her virginity. The hippie agrees and once they are finished the hippie jumps back and pulls off his mask and says "Surpise, its me the Hippie!"

The nun jumps up and pulls off her mask and says "Surprise, its me the bus driver!"

American, Canadian n Jew In Heaven

On a dark and stormy night, an American, Canadian and a Jew were in a horrible car accident. All three were rushed to the hospital, though all three had died before they arrived.

Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he awoke and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses asked him what had happened.

"Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a bright white light, and then the Canadian and the Jew and I were standing at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and that for a donation of $150 we could return to the earth."

He continued, " So of course, I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $150, and the next thing I knew I was back here."

"That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?"

"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Jew was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay his."

Life's Tough When You're Stupid

A classroom full of first year Veterinary students were participating in their first day of anatomy class. For the lecture, the professor begins by unveiling a dead cow under a white sheet laying on an operating table.

The professor tells the class "In Veterinary Medicine, there are two qualities you must possess as a doctor - the first of which is a strong stomach. You cannot, under any circumstance, be disgusted by anything involving an animal's body."

For example, the Professor pulls back the sheet and sticks his finger right up the dead cow's butt, pulls out his finger and sticks it in his mouth. The students just stand there, paralyzed at what they see. "Now, go ahead and do the same thing, each of you," the professor says.

Freaked out, the students take several minutes but eventually take turns sticking their fingers up into the anal cavity of the dead cow, and then sucking on them. Once everyone is finished, the Professor continues on with his lesson... "Now, the second important quality you must possess is a keen observation. You see, I stuck in my middle finger up the cow's butt, and I sucked on my index finger... Now, learn to pay attention."

The moral: Life's tough, but it's even tougher when you're stupid.

Smart Bussiness Plan

A new shift manager was being shown around the Latex factor where he was just hired. The plant manufactures various latex products, and has a reputation for using cutting edge technology in their manufacturing process.

On one side of the building, the factory makes baby bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud "hiss-pop" noise, and the shift manager asks his tour guide what it's doing. "As the rubber is being injected into the mold, it makes a hiss noise." he says "The popping sound is from needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple."

On the other side of the building, the two men look at the condom making machine. This machine makes a "hiss.. hiss... hiss-pop" sound during the manufacturing process. "Wait a second," the future shift manager says, "I know what the hiss, hiss is... but what's with the 'pop' noise every once in a while?"

"Oh, that hehe. It's the same as the baby bottle nipple process." says the guide... "It pokes a hole in every third condom."

"But that can't be good for the condoms!" the observant shift manager replied.

"Nah, but it's really good for the baby bottle nipple business!"

Lawyer n Light Bulb

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? This is a question that's been at the forefront of discussion amongst the most prestigious scholars and lawmakers of the world. Finally, after getting them all together - the question has been answered.

A: Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement. Whereas the party of the first part, also known as 'the lawyers' and the party of the second part, also known as 'the light bulb' do hereby agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e. the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (North) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just through the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

1. The party of the first part shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step stool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part and rotate the party of the second part in a counter clockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part shall be undertaken by the party of the first part to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part, notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part to perform the customary and agreed upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as the non-negotiable directional codicil is observed by the party of the first part throughout.

2. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part becomes seperated from the party of the third part, also known as the 'receptacle', the party of the first part shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local, and federal statutes.

3. Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part shall have the option of beginning the installation of the party of the fourth part, also known as 'new light bulb'. This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse procedures described in step one of this self same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable and only until the party of the fourth part becomes snug in the party of the third part and in fact becomes the party of the second part.

Note: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part, by said party of the first part, or by his or her heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him or her to do sum the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (North) door consistent with maximisation of ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as 'The Firm'.

20 Short Jokes

1. The longest sentence known to man: "I do."
2. I only use deodorant under one arm, so I know what I would have smelled like.
3. Crime doesn't pay... Does that mean my job is a crime?
4. This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.
5. Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
6. I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
7. Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.
8. What's the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the parachute packing plant.
9. I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.
10. When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $4.95 a minute.
11. Pleas turn your mobile phone upside down now! Hurry 370HSSV 0773H
12. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
13. Never forget that you're unique, just like everyone else.
14. I heard you took an IQ test and they said you're results were negative.
15. What do u call dog with no legs? Don't matter wot u call him, he ain't gonna come.
16. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
17. Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
18. If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
19. Born Free... Taxed to Death.
20. We will now upgrade your brain, please wait... searching... searching... still searching... sorry NO BRAIN found.

The Duck Hunter

A duck hunter was out in the marsh, enjoying the beautiful hunting weather when he felt the urge to relieve himself. So he walked over to the bushes and propped his gun against a tree. Suddenly, a strong gust of wind blew and knocked his gun over, discharging it and shooting him in the genitals.

Awaking several hours later in a hospital bed, our duck hunter is approached by his doctor. "Sir," the doc begins "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is there's no internal damage, and we were able to remove all of the buckshot."

"Wow, that's great!" replied the hunter. "So what's the bad news?"

"The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister."

"Oh, well that's not so bad I guess," the hunter replied. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"

"Not exactly." answered the doctor. "She's a flute player in the local symphony, and she's gonna to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't pee in your eye."

Or What?

A man comes to his doctor and tells him that his wife hasn't had sex with him for 6 months. The doctor tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her. So the wife comes into the doctors office and the doc asks her what's wrong, and why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband anymore.

The wife tells him, "For the past 6 months, every morning I take a cab to work. I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me, 'So are you going to pay today or what?' so I take a 'or what'. When I get to work I'm late so the boss asks me, 'So are we going to write this down in the book or what?' so I take a 'or what'.

Back home again I take the cab and again I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me again, 'So are you going to pay this time or what?' so again I take a 'or what'. So you see doc when I get home I'm all tired out, and I don't want it any more."

The doctor thinks for a second and then turns to the wife and says, "So are we going to tell your husband or what?"

The Confessional Booth

After a heavy night of drinking at the local bar, a drunk stumbles into a Catholic church and slowly makes his way into the confessional booth. There, the priest patiently awaits the man to begin his confession.

After a few minutes of silence, the priest politely taps on the window... nothing. The priest taps again and this time clears his throat a bit... still nothing. At this point the priest begins to lose his patience and bangs on the window.

Finally the dunk yells out... "Ain't no use knocking, there ain't no paper over here either!"

Advice From Dad

A young boy and his dad went out fishing one fine morning. After a few quiet hours out in the boat, the boy became curious about the world around him. He looked up at his dad and asked "How do fish breath under water?"

His dad thought about it for a moment, then replied, "I really don't know, son."

The boy sat quietly from another moment, then turned back to his dad and asked, "How does our boat float on the water?"

Once again his dad replied, "Don’t know, son."

Pondering his thoughts again, a short while later, the boy asks "Why is the sky blue?"

Again, his dad replied. "Don’t know, son."

The inquisitive boy, worried he was annoying his father, asks this time "Dad, do you mind that I'm asking you all of these questions?"

"Of course not son." replied his dad, "How else are you ever going to learn anything?"

Heaven Marriage

One rainy Sunday afternoon, a young couple were on their way to their Church to get married. On the way there, their car lost control and slammed into a telephone pole - killing them both instantly.

The couple soon found themselves standing in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, welcoming them to Heaven. The young woman asks Peter if they could get married in Heaven, since their time on Earth was cut short. He replies that he'll get back with them on that request.

A month later, St. Peter finds them and announces that they can - in fact - get arried in Heaven. To his suprise, the woman asks "Just wondering, if things don't work out will we be able to get a divorce?"

With a stern look in his eye, Peter blurts out "Look lady, it took me a month to find a preacher up here... you really think I'm gonna find a lawyer?"