20 Short Jokes

1. The longest sentence known to man: "I do."
2. I only use deodorant under one arm, so I know what I would have smelled like.
3. Crime doesn't pay... Does that mean my job is a crime?
4. This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.
5. Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
6. I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
7. Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.
8. What's the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the parachute packing plant.
9. I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.
10. When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $4.95 a minute.
11. Pleas turn your mobile phone upside down now! Hurry 370HSSV 0773H
12. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
13. Never forget that you're unique, just like everyone else.
14. I heard you took an IQ test and they said you're results were negative.
15. What do u call dog with no legs? Don't matter wot u call him, he ain't gonna come.
16. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
17. Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
18. If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
19. Born Free... Taxed to Death.
20. We will now upgrade your brain, please wait... searching... searching... still searching... sorry NO BRAIN found.