Hadith Quotes - Funny

Sahih Bukhari - Volume 7, Book 71, Number 614
Narrated Abu Said:
A man came to the prophet and said, 'My brother has got loose motions. The Prophet said, Let him drink honey." The man again (came) and said, 'I made him drink (honey) but that made him worse.' The Prophet said, 'Allah has said the Truth, and the abdomen of your brother has told a lie."


Sahih Bukhari, Volume 5, Book 58, Number 188
Narrated ‘Amr bin Maimun:
During the pre-Islamic period of ignorance I saw a she-monkey surrounded by a number of monkeys. They were all stoning it, because it had committed illegal sexual intercourse. I too, stoned it along with them.


Sahih Bukhari - Volume 2, Book 17, Number 129
Narrated Anas:
A man came to the Prophet (p.b.u.h) and said, "Livestock are destroyed and the roads are cut off." So Allah's Apostle invoked Allah for rain and it rained from that Friday till the next Friday. The same person came again and said, "Houses have collapsed, roads are cut off, and the livestock are destroyed. Please pray to Allah to withhold the rain." Allah's Apostle (stood up and) said, "O Allah! (Let it rain) on the plateaus, on the hills, in the valleys and over the places where trees grow." So the clouds cleared away from Medina as clothes are taken off .


Sahih Bukhari - Volume 8, Book 79, Number 706
Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet said, "If somebody manumits a Muslim slave, Allah will save from the Fire every part of his body for freeing the corresponding parts of the slave's body, even his private parts will be saved from the Fire) because of freeing the slave's private parts."


Sahih Bukhari - Volume 1, Book 5, Number 277
Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet said, 'The (people of) Bani Israel used to take bath naked (all together) looking at each other. The Prophet Moses used to take a bath alone. They said, 'By Allah! Nothing prevents Moses from taking a bath with us except that he has a scrotal hernia.' So once Moses went out to take a bath and put his clothes over a stone and then that stone ran away with his clothes. Moses followed that stone saying, "My clothes, O stone! My clothes, O stone! till the people of Bani Israel saw him and said, 'By Allah, Moses has got no defect in his body. Moses took his clothes and began to beat the stone." Abu Huraira added, "By Allah! There are still six or seven marks present on the stone from that excessive beating."


Sahih Bukhari - Volume 8, Book 73, Number 242
Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet said, "Allah likes sneezing and dislikes yawning, so if someone sneezes and then praises Allah, then it is obligatory on every Muslim who heard him, to say: May Allah be merciful to you (Yar-hamuka-l-lah). But as regards yawning, it is from Satan, so one must try one's best to stop it, if one says 'Ha' when yawning, Satan will laugh at him."


Sahih Bukhari - Volume 5, Book 58, Number 275:
Narrated Anas:
When the news of the arrival of the Prophet at Medina reached 'Abdullah bin Salam, he went to him to ask him about certain things, He said, "I am going to ask you about three things which only a Prophet can answer: What is the first sign of The Hour? What is the first food which the people of Paradise will eat? Why does a child attract the similarity to his father or to his mother?" The Prophet replied, "Gabriel has just now informed me of that." Ibn Salam said, "He (i.e. Gabriel) is the enemy of the Jews amongst the angels. The Prophet said, "As for the first sign of The Hour, it will be a fire that will collect the people from the East to the West. As for the first meal which the people of Paradise will eat, it will be the caudate (extra) lobe of the fish-liver. As for the child, if the man's discharge proceeds the woman's discharge, the child attracts the similarity to the man, and if the woman's discharge proceeds the man's, then the child attracts the similarity to the woman."


Sahih Bukhari - Volume 2, Book 19, Number 173
Narrated 'Abdullah bin Masud :
The Prophet recited Suratan-Najm (103) at Mecca and prostrated while reciting it and those who were with him did the same except an old man who took a handful of small stones or earth and lifted it to his forehead and said, "This is sufficient for me." Later on, I saw him killed as a non-believer.